January 07, 2022

If you read my recap of 2021, you’ll know that lately I’ve spent a significant amount of time exploring my warrior side.

Whether it’s through jiu jitsu, self-defense training or friendships with men, I’ve been learning more about warriors & protectors.

I’ve been looking at what divine masculine means and digging into those areas of my life that need healing.

I’ve been exploring my longing for divine masculine from external sources, i.e., yearning for protection, support, strength and love, and instead learning to provide it for myself.

And here’s the confession I promised.

Despite all of the above, for the first time, I’ve created a flower remedy that I’m slightly terrified to take.

In November we launched the True Strength blend.

Despite taking flower essences consistently for the last 23 years …

And working on this theme in my own practice and life …

I’m still wary of taking the True Strength elixir because every time I take it I go into a healing crisis mode!

I stopped taking it. I start-stopped a few times. I put it away for a while.

Then it made its way into my purse ‘on accident’ – I thought it was another gem or flower with the same color label. I soon realized what I was taking (oh gawd!) and figured it was finally time to lean in. The holidays seemed to open up a little more spaciousness and I was determined to have the strength and softness to be able to weather whatever storm arose.

The first day I took True Strength, I spent most of the day balling my eyes out, until I decided to just take a Netflix break and put my focus elsewhere (Stop crying! Take it easy).

The third day I ended up on the floor in my roommate’s room crumpled in a ball, sobbing, snot coming out my nose and feeling a bit like a wild animal.

After those first three days, I’ve continued to (slowly) either take the elixir a few times each day, or apply a dash of the anointing oil to my wrists every now and then.

And – I’m starting to feel more relief than I have in months.

Sometimes we sense the train wreck coming and it’s so damn scary that we prefer to side step it for a while. Or maybe we don’t have enough energy or resources to fully tend to it.

We might need time and other practices to get us to the point of go-time.

And then … the devotion to ourselves — and to unraveling our tightest knots — kicks in.

This post is not to scare you away from flower essences! And it’s not to make you wary of the True Strength blend.

In fact, I’ve talked to other people who’ve taken it and had zero healing crisis at all … they just felt a sense of tremendous strength. They’re the lucky ones!

This love note is to remind you that your deepest devotion is to yourself.

Flower essences can be extremely powerful – especially if they are targeting our deepest core wounds from childhood (and/or past lives if you believe in that kinda thing).

This is also to remind you that you can go at your own pace. If you need to start a remedy, stop a remedy or simply take it 1-2 times/day instead of five or more times … it’s all ok. You’ll know when you’re ready.

The whole premise of flower essences is that the most gentle touch is what does the deepest healing.

I’ve seen rock-hard special forces men curl into a ball while their violent trauma over multiple decades comes flowing out – as the flower essences relieve and extract the painful files from their nervous/energetic systems and fascia – permanently, within several hours.

No talk therapy, no drugs, no vices … nothing but the purity of flowers & deep wishes.

If it’s possible to relieve and release the effects of war from our systems, then it’s possible to relieve and release the effects of our own internal wars and wounding.

We may underestimate the healing power and ferocity of something so gentle and ephemeral as a blossom.

But that blossom carries a specific pin-pointed healing capacity that comes from 4.5 billion years of the Earth’s wisdom.

This is a reminder: if you’re putting in the effort to heal yourself – or heal those hidden, wounded parts of yourself that have been stuck in the closet for a long time – you’re on the right track.

Be patient with yourself. Start and stop the remedies.

Go slowly. Go recklessly. Be messy, wild and snot-nosed.

Whatever it takes.

There’s nothing more important than your devotion to your own awakening.

Love + flower petals,